Wednesday, March 30, 2011

hope

I stumbled upon this lovely post from Amy Brady.
Enjoy.


It’s five minutes until March 8th. As I sit here typing I am a flurry of emotion. I noticed that tomorrow is International Women’s Day. Ever heard of it? Me neither. Until last summer.
March 8th, International Women’s Day, is the day my baby girl was found at the steps of the orphanage. In China, women often get at least half a day off. My hunch? Her first mom used this opportunity to safely deposit and depart from a most treasured child. She could’ve left her anywhere. But she dared to leave her right at the steps of the orphanage in plain sight, assuring someone would see Hope and respond. If the mom had been seen, she would have been imprisoned. Risky lady. I like that.
I am thinking of her, of  ShengMu (birth mother). It is already March 8th in China. When she opened her eyes this morning, I wonder what her first thought was? Was it thoughts of that beautiful little baby girl she left three years ago? Was she wondering if her daughter’s congenital heart issues were ever repaired? Does she imagine her living in America with a family who loves her? Does she hope she was adopted? I wonder if she imagines what Hope looks like now? Does she have big, black eyes and sprawling eyebrows like her ShengMu? Does she have her ShengFu’s (birth father) sense of humor? Is that little freckle on her wrist still there? Will she ever forgive her ShengMu and ShengFu for leaving her that day? Will she believe she was loved?

You may not understand this. But I feel for her. Her life and mine are connected for the rest of eternity. Her greatest loss (and yes, I choose to believe it was a loss) was my greatest gain. She could not keep or provide for Hope, for whatever the reason. Rather than take her life, she set her free. Now, in America she is free. Free to love, to run, to play, to love, to learn, to live.


 I will honor her sacrifice and lead my daughter to do the same. We will never walk in her shoes. We don’t know everything that led up to that fateful day. Augustine once said, “What you do not understand, treat with reverence and be patient. What you do understand, treasure and keep.” I will treasure and keep indeed.
On the other side of the coin, I’m thinking about my little girl. My precious and beautiful, long awaited Asian princess. What will this day mean to her when she’s 10? 15? 25? 45? I imagine her bundled up and laying on those steps, knowing that her world had changed. Knowing instinctively as a child does, that her ShengMu was gone.  A loss that she will wrestle with and work through for many years to come. But praise be to her Heavenly Father, she now will not have to work through that alone. She’ll have her family to walk with her, but most importantly, she’ll have her God. Her Heavenly Father who binds the brokenhearted and is near those who are in sorrow. At age 3, tomorrow will not seem any different that any other day to her. And for now, I’m thankful for that. So thankful.
Her world has changed dramatically in three years. So has mine. Three years ago, she was motherless, now she has a Mommy.

 Three years ago, she had no one to hold her. Now she has arms that are available 24/7, until they are too tired and have to be traded for a lap instead. Three years ago, she was an orphan. Today, she is not. She is the daughter of John and Amy Brady. Sister to Austin and Justin. Boss to Ben, the yorkie. Grandaughter to Nana and Poppa Martin and Granmoni and Grandpa Brady. Niece to many, cousins to even more.

 And overall good will ambassador to anyone who will say, “Hello” and even to those who won’t. Her very life is the antonym of all she use to be. And all because of sacrifice. Sacrifice of a Savior who loves her so much. Sacrifice of a ShengMu who kept her for three months before relinquishing her. Sacrifice of a family waiting for years and almost through with their parenting days, but ever so willing to start over again with her.
So, thank you ShengMu. We will always remember you. And yes, she has your spunk, she has your same daring, lay-her-right-at-the-doorsteps personality. It helped her survive this far and will see her through. May your heart rest in peace today, may God send you the blessings your soul longs for but cannot utter, and may you always know she's loved.

3 comments:

  1. That was wonderful, so many familiar emotions. Yesterday was our sweet Brynn's finding day... so many emotions.

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  2. That was one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read, that put HAPPY tears into my eyes!

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